I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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