he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
