im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
