I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
