You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
