Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
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