Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
