she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
