Umm I'm too high to move.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
