You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
