Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
