I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
