I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm always down for nudity.
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