they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
where are my eyebrows?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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