wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
