I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
