There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
