I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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