the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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