When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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