dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
