Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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