So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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