At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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