Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
They have beer where we have blood.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
