Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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