we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
