Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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