Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Randomize
