Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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