I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
