yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
