this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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