yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
