I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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