Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
