I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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