:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
