he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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