i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize
