He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
