I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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