they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
