I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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