It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
