and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
