38 yer olds are good kisserssss
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
