all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
