I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you win again, gameday.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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