I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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