i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
