The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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