um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
