I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
i believe in u and ur pee
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