It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
