apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize