just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
