Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
