oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
