You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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