Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
