i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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