I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
