did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
