That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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