The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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