why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
