you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
