I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
