Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
