i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
